FML

So lately every thing has just been driving me crazy. ive been running endless beyond endless circles in my head just trying to figure out who I am and what im here for in lfe. not to mention the endless draining and aggravating sounds that penetrate from the person who birth me all the while I sit here blank wondering where the fuck did it all go wrong. I was so happy so full of life and energy so full of excitement of the  expectation of a falsely advertised reality.  AM I HAPPY? well that's a good question to be perceived in different ways. I am happy that I lived a better life then most... I am happy to say that I survived what was sent out to kill me.... but im not happy with my surroundings no I am not happy with the people around me and no I am not happy with who ive become. adulthood fucked me up.... yet helped me in so many ways...... My teenager years of frivalice flocking amongst the dumbest of boys, all for the shallowest of reasons their 'looks" now don't get me wrong you can judge someone on their looks but not in that exact literal term no no no I mean the way their heart looks you know. like if their ugly on the inside fuck they aint meant for you,,,, know if they have a beautiful heart give them that try.... I stopped wasting countless energy and trys on making myself perfect for someone who isn't perfect for me.
   I see the past as an reminder that maybe my future is something to look forward to. if  grown past my narcissitcal urges on the spotlight remaining on me wither good or bad. then I am bound to learn from all my lessons to come. but what if I always get a bad hand and im down to my last penny placin a 2000 bet? will the mystical forces that always seemed to come at the perfect time kick in? or am I doomed n the never endin cycles of unending barrels and tumbles of dried tears nd broken hearts?  have absolutely no hopes on continuing this redundant waste of time cycles. but that's just it!!! its the circle of lfe. never ending bullshit. to find peace in death only for my soul to move on and my body to be eaten by bugs rats and worms.... I look to the future in hopes that one day eventually ill fnd the secret of life, before my maker calls me home.... and at the final end to all this crap ill still be seen as nothing.